Leaps of Faith

After we found out that Rhyan was a boy, we started shopping. Shopping for baby furniture, clothes, etc. Each time we bought something new, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. At 22 years old and already having lost two babies, I was very anxious about Rhyan's fate. I found out his gender at 16 weeks by purchasing a 2d ultrasound through a third party. This was not the furthest I had ever been in a pregnancy. I was scared. The thought crossed my mind (as we are by no means rich people) that maybe I should leave the tags on. Just in case. It was a sad thought. One day, after deciding that I would no longer be a prisoner to my past, I went into what was to become Rhyan's room and tore the tags off of every single piece of clothing in his closet. It was that day that I decided that Rhyan was going to live. I knew at that moment that although God's plan for my first two children was not to live on this Earth, but rather in Heaven, that was not his plan for Rhyan. Sure enough, approximately 11 weeks later, Rhyan was born. Tiny, but breathing. The nurses told me not to worry if he wasn't crying, as premature babies lungs are often too weak to cry at birth. I was prepared to hear nothing, but relieved when I heard him. It was not a loud cry, but it was a cry. It was a sign of life. He was fighting. Although such a simple gesture, I will never forget the day that I tore the tags off of that clothing and spoke into existence that Rhyan would wear them one day. God knew the desires of my heart. Sometimes, it's the little things. Literally.